What If?: Pushed Over the Edge

As profound and powerful as Heart of Darkness was, there were also some painful, gritty truths weaved into it. There was one in particular which struck me when it surfaced in our class discussion one day: If one is pushed too far, one may start to lose his/her ethics or identity.

            Of course, the primary example of this phenomenon in the novella is Mr. Kurtz, who, after spending so much time as a commander of a trading post in the Congo, became an insane tyrant ruling over the natives. In essence, we concluded, Kurtz had been pushed so far beyond his limits and humanity, that he had lost his previous aspirations and even morality.

            But… the first time I heard this, I was confused. It contradicted what I had been told ever since the first time I skinned my knee: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Time and time again, I’ve heard quotes like “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have,” and so on. These describe situations which are so hopeless, that the way you react reveals a lot about your character and identity. So what is the difference between this “push over the edge” which actually makes you “grow” and the one Kurtz experienced?

            Perhaps it depends on the “push”. Are some trials and tribulations more likely to make one weaker than others? Maybe a skinned knee and the depths and dangers of the African wilderness cannot be compared because the vast gap in severity between them. Or perhaps it depends on the person being pushed. Could it be that every person just has his or her own set of limits? But, if this is the case, how does one know what they are?

            I don’t know if it is even possible to tell. After all, unlike reading a novel or watching a movie, in this case we do not constitute a third person perspective… we are actually inside the character we are analyzing: our own self. As we discussed about the Stanford Prison Experiment, it often takes an outside person to alert one to the ways he or she has changed. And even then, the waters can be very muddy, and the mind can be very hard to read.

            I am thankful that Heart of Darkness became the devil’s advocate to my previous notions of the near indestructibility of the human spirit and mind. Don’t get me wrong, it is much stronger and resilient than we often give it credit for, but there is a hidden fragility among it all. Looking into pressure points and that “edge” could be very valuable because, in the end, our identity is all we really have.

Blogging Around

My first comment was on Kathryn’s blog entry, “An Inconvenient Truth: Fifty Percent Wrong”, in which she discussed the uncomfortable implications of the quote, “At any given time, we as people are fifty percent wrong.” She concluded that realizing this allows one to be open to learning.

My comment:

Hi, Kathryn! I really enjoyed reading this post because previously, I had never thought about my thinking in that sort of way. My thoughts and beliefs had always been my thoughts and beliefs. I had never thought of them as right or wrong. More than anything, I found myself questioning what exactly the quote you mentioned actually means…. What does it mean to be wrong?

After all, the mere act of labeling something as wrong inherently assumes that there is a correct answer. But, are there really correct thoughts or beliefs? I would say the inner workings of the mind are far too complex and wispy to judge that way. Just as we have been discussing in class, a single object or idea can be looked upon with an endless number of perspectives, so how can we say which is the best? And, that brings up another big question: who exactly is this judge?

The most likely answer to this question is “society”. Standards of right and wrong are established in almost every society when it comes to laws and guidelines of behavior. However, that is action. Thought is one level deeper and is stored inside a single person. Private. Does society really have the right to set standards at that level?

Now, I may be misinterpreting the quote altogether. Perhaps the speaker was simply referring to the miscellaneous trivia each person collects over the years, which is mistakenly believed to be true. In that case, I completely agree with your reaction of humility. We should certainly not take our knowledge for granted, and an open mind is invaluable so that we do not shut ourselves out from learning.

So, I suppose one could differentiate “thoughts and beliefs” from “trivia and knowledge”, or miscellaneous tidbits from big ideas which can really impact one’s behavior. The quote doesn’t really specify. However, there is some value in pondering about it. Doing so has allowed me to analyze the roots of my thoughts and how they formed. And, when it comes to my own mind, I really don’t know the half of it (no pun intended… well, yes it was). Thanks, Kathryn, for the great writing!

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My second comment was on Lizzie’s blog entry, “iMedia: O Children”, in which she explained why she loved that song and explored the idea of pursuing happiness. She had the insight that one often convinces oneself and others that one is happy in order to satisfy that desire.

My comment:

Lizzie! I absolutely love this song as well! But, I must say, reading your wonderful interpretation while listening to it made for an enlightening as well as relaxing experience! J

I was especially struck by your words, “happiness is something that one wants so badly and so desperately to achieve that he must convince himself that he has, in fact, obtained that happiness, contentedness.” Upon reflection, I realized this is completely true. Often, before I go to bed, I will verbally reassure myself that I had a good day and that there is so much to look forward to tomorrow. And, as spontaneous as happiness is supposed to be, it usually ends up being planned, attached to certain objects or outcomes. For example, almost everyday, I hear students whisper that they “will be happy” as long as they pass that one test or quiz. Here, there is virtually no distinction between the passing grade and the state of happiness; they are the same.

So what is true happiness really? Sometimes it comes with a sense of well-being in one’s own life, with the sense that everything is going as planned. Often, however, people extract happiness from the well-being of others. In “O Children”, he wasn’t only trying to convince himself of his happiness, but also his ma. His ma probably would feel happiness from the knowledge that her son is happy, and vice versa. In fact, it’s a never-ending cycle.

I then found myself wondering, “What really makes us more happy: actual people, objects or ideas which externally instigate that release of serotonin in our brain, or the mere thought of being happy?” I had never really considered this second possible source until reading your post, and I’ve come to realize that, more often than not, that is what I strive for. Whether this is a good or bad thing, I don’t pretend to know, but this has definitely got me thinking!

Thanks for the enlightenment, Lizzie! Ooh, and the great music.